There are a number of reasons why it can be difficult to express your feelings to someone you have a romantic interest in. For example, your crush may already be in a relationship or be someone you have authority over in the workplace. The fear of rejection can also make it hard to be direct with someone who you are interested in. However, that all tends to change after drinking a couple of beers or having a couple of shots of whisky, as alcohol affects self-consciousness, self-control, decision-making, and self-awareness, resulting in inappropriate behavior like flirtatious behavior, drunken flirting/drunk flirtation, or simply… people flirt. But does drunk flirting show true intentions? Or is it a truth serum?

How Alcohol Impacts Your Mental State

Alcohol is often referred to as a social lubricant or liquid courage because it helps to lower your inhibitions as one of the effects of alcohol. Therefore, you’re more likely to approach the good-looking girl or guy at the bar and start a conversation. You may also be more likely to ask for that person’s phone number or invite your best friend or mutual friend back to your place after the bar closes because you aren’t thinking about the potential consequences of those actions the next day, especially if you are under peer pressure.

As your blood alcohol content (BAC) increases, you may also become needier from an emotional standpoint. This means that you’re actually more worried about being alone, which means that you’ll do whatever it takes to get someone to pay attention to you. Conversely, those around you are also seeking attention, which means that they may be more likely to welcome your advances even if they wouldn’t be interested in you while sober.

Are Drunk Words an Expression of Sober Thoughts?

It’s commonly believed that a drunk person’s words are a sober person’s thoughts. This may be true for those who have trouble expressing themselves around others when sober because of their social anxiety or other issues. For instance, someone who is unhappy at their job may find the courage to quit after having a few beers. Alternatively, someone who has had a crush on someone at work or school may need alcohol to get up the courage to say exactly what is on their mind.

Of course, you probably don’t have a strong connection to the person who you first saw at the bar moments before striking up a conversation. In such a scenario, alcohol may simply get rid of the anxiety that comes with trying to converse with someone you haven’t met and have no obvious need to connect with. Furthermore, you may not need alcohol to speak your mind around friends, family members, or others who you have no trouble communicating with while sober.

How to Tell If Someone Is Flirting With You

It’s important to keep in mind that there is a difference between flirting and simply being nice to someone. For instance, if you notice that a particular person smiles, laughs, and is generally nice to everyone else in the room, it’s unlikely that you’re the target of someone’s affection.

However, if you notice that a person only smiles at you, only laughs at your jokes, or is constantly making excuses to be near you, that is a different story. In that scenario, there is a good chance that another person is flirting with you. Other signs that a person is interested in you include consistent eye contact or excess color in the face when interacting with you.

It Could Still Just Be the Alcohol Talking

A drunk person could legitimately be interested in you while under the influence of alcohol. Research has shown that an intoxicated individual perceives others to be about 10% more attractive than they would appear under normal circumstances. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as beer goggles or beer glasses. Therefore, it’s possible that someone is legitimately interested in you in the moment but would not want to engage in any sort of romantic or sexual relationship once the impairment wears off. Conversely, you could legitimately be interested in someone while drunk but not want to interact with that individual after sobering up.

You May Simply Feel Better While Drunk

If you have become dependent on alcohol, you may experience chronic pain, extreme anxiety, or other withdrawal symptoms after going a few hours or days without booze. Ultimately, you may come across as grouchy or withdrawn because you are in so much pain while at work or while dealing with people at school or in your apartment complex. However, after putting some more alcohol in your body, the pain goes away, and you get to showcase more of your true personality.

Ultimately, this would be a time during which flirting with someone may showcase your true intentions. While you may not necessarily be interested in a relationship with the individual you’re talking to, your demeanor may reflect who you truly are or who you wish you could be in other parts of your life.

You Aren’t in Control of Your Emotions When Drunk

As your BAC climbs above .10%, you start to lose control over your emotions. Instead of simply dealing with a loss of inhibition, you literally can’t decide for yourself whether to laugh, cry, or feel good about what you are doing. Therefore, the fact that you are flirting with someone may be little more than a cosmic accident than anything resembling your true feelings toward another person.

You may also find that someone who is extremely drunk may be flirting with you just because it feels like the right thing to do at the moment. Of course, it can be extremely dangerous and inappropriate to try to engage with someone who is clearly intoxicated. Ideally, you would help that person get home safely or take that person to the hospital for treatment.

Does It Matter If You Can’t Remember?

It’s not uncommon to have some trouble remembering what happened during a trip to the bar with your friends. While you may have pictures, videos, or copies of text messages that you sent to those you interacted with, it may not be enough to provide any sort of context for what you did while under the influence. Therefore, as a practical matter, you can’t say that your actions while drunk are indicative of anything if you don’t even know what you did while in a state of intoxication.

When You’re Just a Wingman

Let’s say that you are already married or in a relationship and decide to go to a singles bar or club with your friends. Let’s assume that one of your single friends sees someone at the bar that he or she wants to talk to. In this scenario, the only problem is that the person your buddy wants to make small talk with is also with a group of friends.

Ultimately, you decide to help your friend by breaking the ice with the ladies across the bar. While you may engage in some harmless banter, it won’t rise to the level of anything that could hinder your existing relationship or make it harder for your friend to look good. Regardless of whether you’re drunk or sober, you can feel secure in the fact that you’re just having fun and aren’t acting on any type of fantasy.

When Alcohol Doesn’t Help You or Anyone Else

It’s important to keep in mind that alcohol is a depressant, which means that it has the potential to make you sad and mopey. This is why you often see people yelling, crying, or otherwise having bad reactions to getting rejected by a crush or when receiving other types of bad news.

In addition to harming your own chances of success with a romantic interest, it can objectively ruin the vibe for others in your general area in a social setting. Therefore, if you are going to flirt while drunk, make sure to have a plan to manage your emotions if things don’t go the way that you want them to.

While alcohol consumption can have some benefits when used in moderation, alcohol’s impact is extremely harmful to your body when you overindulge, especially in your well-being. If you are dependent on alcohol to survive, it may be time to contact NJ Addiction Resources. We offer a variety of programs designed to meet your needs without causing financial hardship and valuable insights, and it may be possible to start treatment immediately after getting in touch with us.


My partner was acting flirty while intoxicated. Does that show their true intentions?

Drunk flirting is a multifaceted issue that cannot be straightforwardly interpreted as revealing true intentions. Alcohol’s effect in lowering inhibitions often leads to behaviors, including increased flirtatiousness, that might not align with a person’s sober actions. This impairment in judgment means that actions taken under the influence may not accurately reflect one’s true thoughts or intentions. Additionally, individual differences play a significant role; some may naturally become more expressive when drinking, which is not necessarily an indicator of their genuine feelings. The context of the relationship and the dynamics involved are also crucial factors. What might be seen as harmless flirting in a stable, long-term relationship could be interpreted differently in a newer or less secure partnership. Importantly, open and honest communication about feelings and behaviors when drinking is essential. In essence, behavior while intoxicated is not a reliable measure of a person’s true intentions or desires. If such behavior is causing concern, the best course of action is to address it through a calm, understanding conversation with your partner.